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A Savage Penitence

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Transmutation stains the painted breeze
Urging this trivialized vacancy

Where sword-swallowers impolitely play
dancing games that admonish lonely prey

Overcast and operational shrouds
Punching pilgrims from inert moon-stained crowds

Apetites a-usual, for such men
Swing daggers when the spoons refuse to bend

through the Pungent tangency. A skewer
on swivels made from archaic pewter

are used to haunt, are used to taint, a lake
that wagers tenets dead.  Yet as awake

as they could , staring deep into the eyes
that a savage penitence can provide

Took a stab at a Clarian Sonnet here. Learn all about them, over at D’Verse, where Sam Peralta explains it all in Form For All.


About hobgoblin2011

In 2012 I was 370 lbs, dealing with severe spinal injuries and miserable in every aspect of the word. Through hard work, dedication and the installation of self-belief, I changed everything about myself. It took 5 years to become the person I am today and I want to share everything I’ve learned during my transformation. Transformations aren’t solely about weight loss. I’ve learned that to truly transform you must change in many more ways than that. I hope to provide useful tips, information and motivation/inspiration to anyone who needs to make a Change themselves.

14 responses »

  1. Like this a lot, Fred. It’s like an excerpted bard song from a dystopic tavern full of aliens, dark elves, and fallen skyship paladins–or something, by which I mean, atmospheric, ringing and distinctively Fred-ian. Loved every word but the daggers/spoons that refuse to bend is possibly my fave part.

  2. Well, i like that you have audio to your poem.and any type of patience is a good provider. 🙂

  3. I’m new at the form, too, but it looks like a darn good effort to me.

  4. First, nice blog layout ~ I like the couplets specially the last two ~ Great piece Fred ~

  5. seriously…you have another home? i must have missed this one…glad you tried it and you pull it off well…sword swallowers and swindlers and nice use of big words as well making me turn to the dictionary…smiles…it dances…

  6. Very interesting, Fred… especially inert moon-stained crowds.

  7. FANTASTIC. Seriously love this, especially the language.

    All the lines are great, but these are my favorites: “Transmutation stains the painted breeze” and “Punching pilgrims from inert moon-stained crowds”

    This is some really creative expression. What a sad line: “Urging this trivialized vacancy”

    Feel free to edit this out, but you have a couple of mistakes:
    “Apetites” is missing a “p”
    “as they could ,” … delete the extra space before the comma

  8. You took a stab at the Clarian sonnet form, and your dagger found its mark! And your sword and skewer, one may add, while your pointed words accomplish more than this arsenal to underline the intensity of your theme.

  9. very cool…also very cool to hear you read it…great flow as well..think you did an awesome job with the form fred

  10. This sounds a little like some of the computer or xbox games my son plays…but of course I’m probably wrong, still it is an original take on the form!

  11. Sadly can’t get the sound to work. Could before, when you had a different player.I miss your lovely voice.
    Fred, I understand about half of this, and need a glossary of the rest I’m afraid. But I liked what I could fathom.

  12. poemsofhateandhope

    you packed a whole LOAD of words into this tight form. That last stanza had a great great close- ‘as they could , staring deep into the eyes that a savage penitence can provide’- penitance- for me this hit me in the stomach- life on your knees and staring hard….these sonnets are tough- and you crafted one of great style

  13. DUDE!!!! Ha! Another fantastic reading (if you ask me you stabbed the crap out of the form!) and a new place to play! It’s like Christmas 🙂 What surprises are coming next week? Awesome write, Fred…swing daggers when spoons refuse to bend (LOVE THAT LINE!)

  14. Astonishing! I was in aprille’s shoes re understanding, but could hear the player and that reading made sense of it all.


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